Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
You say cultists one more time! It was the sisterhood and you know it. So have been. Slight.
All the gods get kidnapped in the future and like kind of currently-
Yes, yes, that was part of the plan.
It's like all orcas all the time now. Or in the future.
It's really the orca show, it sucks.
Did Bahamut tell you that we had both agreed to work with orcas?
I don't think it came up?
No, but I do think that he's been the double-crossed.
So Silent One?
Yes.
What action are you driven to at this moment?
Um, Agoth is gonna make Tiamat a scone feast.
And say, help us fuck up orcas.
It has been a long time since I have been struck speechless.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More. He, him, also with me today is Karla Maxedad.
She, her, playing Neryxious Akra. Normally Glim, but did get a Neryxious from Tiamat, so I knew I was in trouble.
That's your name now. Amy More.
Yeah, she, her, I'm playing Sullivan Sleight. He, him, and humbled.
Tom Laird. He, him, I'm playing Moot. Also he, him.
Kristen Flemmons.
Hello. She, her, playing Agoth. Also she, her, and Rax. He, him, magical baker.
And Sean Howard.
He, him, playing Tiamat. She, her, who's eating scones happily.
As we all should be.
I would like to say I retract my boo from earlier. I didn't know how this was gonna go down.
I thought for sure I was gonna die in the last episode. I'm gonna.
I mean, it's still a possibility.
I know. I'm gonna withhold my boo though.
We made it through one.
I'm gonna withhold my boo.
That'll be in the down time.
Yeah.
Which, speaking of, you can get down times for every episode when you're a patron.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast. And you also get an episode dedicated to you like today's patron, Operatic Muddle.
Operatic Muddle.
Oh my god.
That's fun.
That is fun. Thank you so much.
That's my next band name.
It's a good one.
It's really good.
If it hasn't already been taken, Sean, you gotta check.
Maybe it's their band.
Operatic Muddle Redux.
Also, side note, if you don't know what Russ meant when he said the down times is where we like recap the episode for a few minutes.
And it comes out on your Patreon feed like Saturday.
Sometimes we do a little planning too and like a rehash of like where we think we should go.
So it's almost like not spoilers, but like a little like.
You get a little peek behind the curtain.
Then we have a pee break and they forget everything we talked about.
Absolutely.
That's exactly it.
This is the ADHD working.
And they forget everything they put in their bag and collect it from the last episode.
I can as a listener.
Yeah, I'm like you have it in your bag.
No, no, no.
And that's just something you have to love us for.
You just imagine that D&D adventurers just carry around massive bags filled with everything and anything they could need.
But they're too tired from carrying this bag around to actually go look for that thing.
You'd have to have an index, like a big fat index.
Nobody's got the time for that.
Every group needs a librarian.
I guess so, yeah.
Library sciences, they're not dead.
We tried one with Tia, but she was ascribed.
She got too high.
No longer.
Yeah.
She just couldn't focus on it.
Oh well.
Fuck it, let's play.
There's a crackling fire in the center of Tiamat's lair and everybody's passing around this massive tray of scones.
And they're recounting the exact moment that Tiamat was thrust back down into her lair after being defeated by the Decimators of Dragons.
Why?
Yes, you see, and that's when I realized all of this anguish and the darkness and the depression, it's a cycle, right?
It's a cycle.
If I may quote Ypres' love, it all goes away.
Eventually, everything goes away.
Why, that's kind of dark.
Well, I mean, but more the sorrow of...
All the bad stuff and the good stuff.
It's all fleeting.
I guess what we need to remember.
Temporary.
And potentially all life.
Well, I mean, we've actually witnessed that.
Like, yeah, life for sure is actually temporary because we saw it all kind of disappear.
All basically gone.
But like, yeah, I was actually...
You're not speaking metaphorically at the moment, are you?
No.
Sorry, we lived through some shit, man.
I lost my eye.
You see Moot doesn't have an arm over there?
Yeah, I'm missing a hand over here.
An eye!
Wait, wait, wait!
Save me some scones and that lovely cream.
And Tiamat rises up and sort of like...
The whole place shakes as she sort of half runs over and roots around one of her heads,
another one rooting in another pile, gold flying,
and then walks over and drops an eyeball in front of Sully.
And goes back to eating scones.
Uh, uh...
Oh, um...
What you got there, Sully?
Sully, like, looks around like...
What am I supposed to...
Is this...
I don't know how to ask politely.
Is it clean?
No.
Is it...
Fleshy?
Or is it stony?
A little from the last wearer.
And who was the last wearer?
I'm not sure. It's the Eye of Vecna.
Sorry, hard to talk over the scones.
The Eye of Vecna.
It might help you.
It might be worth the cost.
I love the ominous sort of subtext. It's really...
It's kind of exciting though, too, right?
I know you're very good at it. It makes everything...
I know, it's sort of what I do.
I feel like you're helping me, but at the same time,
like, there's gonna be a consequence.
Is this, like, a punishment?
Do I deserve it?
I mean...
You just have to gouge out one of your eyes.
Wait, hold on, I already have no eyes.
Well, what's going on? So, I mean...
Right, there you go.
So, is that the cost?
No.
Well, it would be normally part of the cost.
Oh, gosh, so, like, there's another.
Like, okay.
Can I just put...
Can I think about it for a second?
And he picks up the eye, like...
And it's slippery, and he's like...
Okay, all right.
And he, like, just kind of, like, holds his eye, I guess.
Well, contemplating? I don't know.
His whole existence, I'm not sure.
Amy wants to...
Amy wants to search for the Eye of Vecna.
You can make an arcana...
No, no.
Oh, you won't let me search for it.
You don't know what they're doing with their canas.
You can make an arcana roll,
if you would like to know more about what Sully knows about the Eye of Vecna.
Okay, fine.
And then...
11.
You know it has great magical powers.
Yeah, but at a cost.
Yes, at a cost.
May I ask, Tim,
how is it that you go about accruing a horde down here?
I imagine that would be more challenging.
It is.
Indeed, much more challenging.
But since you have given me such a beautiful feast...
So, uh...
Sometimes I lure, you know,
idiot knights down here that wish to conquer a dragon.
Other times I, you know,
find demons that have managed to scurry something away,
and the rest of it I have amassed from my brief forays into the above world.
Oh, and then all the tokens and payments from the Sisterhood
and all the dragons that serve me.
Oh yeah, sure, yeah.
Right, yeah.
Does that mean you can, like, you've kind of, like, snuck out a few times?
Is that what you're saying?
No, no.
No, I never would have snuck out for a tryst with my brother or anything like that.
No. No.
Why do I have an accent?
It's the scones.
Oh, speaking of, can you pass the butter?
Why?
For the scones.
Sorry, trusting is not in my nature.
It's okay.
Baby steps.
Yes, baby steps.
Someone should make a movie about that,
about time looping and baby steps,
and write a book.
So?
So if we're going to work together to overcome Orcus and I can't leave,
tell me what you need.
If I have it or I can procure it.
Do you have, like...
Someone is adding more things to my list as I sit here.
Shh, I see where it's typing.
That guy from marketing, maybe?
Ah, yes.
Sorry, back from marketing.
They're going to work on the Sisterhood PR.
We're off of that now.
Stop that.
Go and halt that.
We have bigger problems.
Orcus is bad.
We printed all the pamphlets.
We need new pamphlets.
I'll be right back.
Speaking of the Sisterhood,
you have amassed an amazing following.
Thank you.
Would they rise together to help defeat Orcus in your name?
Probably.
If they're not all zombies, yes.
Or they shouldn't be yet.
They will be later.
Currently probably.
I mean, a few maybe statistically speaking.
We're probably in some places where they've already been kind of zombified,
but that's a really good idea.
Bob, come back!
Yes, team.
Sorry.
Forget that last thing.
Write up a writ.
I need something.
A writ of something that we'll give to this team.
Okay, yes.
A writ of something that we will give to this team.
The Sisterhood writ in your name, Tiamat.
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Tiamat.
We are gathered here today to give a writ of something to her Lord B.
Praise Tiamat.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't need to sit here while you do it.
I think it just needs like the stamp, right?
The seal on it.
Like that's official.
That's official.
Yeah, so Orcus bad.
Rise up.
Fight Orcus.
I mean.
Got it.
Got the highlight.
Okay, I mean, wow.
That was a really productive suggestion, Sully.
Like I feel like we just got some pretty powerful allies.
If I know anything about Tiamat.
We probably should point out that everything they've tried to do has failed horribly.
Well, but they got close.
They sure did.
Like so close.
I mean.
I was just a wee one when that was happening, of course.
But yeah, like impressive.
And.
Yes, I remember.
So of insight.
Well, you don't have many babies in the ranks.
I just, yeah.
Probably more than you think.
Yes.
Well, that makes.
That makes me sad.
Yeah.
Was that an innuendo?
Oh, like so many people are fucking and then they're having babies.
Why?
Oh my goodness, I didn't even.
No, in the sisterhood.
Part of your oath is you give up like physical connections with others.
Because how can you focus on adoring Tiamat and serving and your purpose to her if you're off like fucking other people?
Fair enough.
I am thinking of changing that since reading this many copies of this book.
Yeah, no.
Everyone deserves to find love.
Yeah.
I think physical pleasure is pretty important to just like keeping, you know, your cult motivated.
Good mental health.
But good to move past too, right?
Because that was the eat phase.
You don't let it control you, right?
Right, right, yes.
Speaking of eating though, these scones are amazing.
Thank you, Agoth.
I'm glad you like them.
Please give one to Rex.
Do horses eat scones?
He is omnivorous in his appetites.
I was serious about the wings.
Would you like wings?
Would Rex like wings?
Can you communicate with them?
Rex, do you want wings?
He wouldn't be opposed to wings.
It would have made the bridge ordeal much simpler.
Bob, come back!
Probably help him get over his fear of heights too, right?
Like little bit by little bit.
He'd find freedom and joy in heights instead.
Because he could never fall now because he's got his wings.
And the radius of the acid spray would be much wider.
Oh, so much better.
Imagine that falling down on a wall.
Okay, Ritz almost ready, Tiamat.
Yes, put in a call to Arthraxix, the third circle of hell.
Tell him Tiamat's calling in the favor and I want his ring of the Pegasi.
Right, ring of the Pegasi.
Pegasi, I've got it.
Go right, go in, or talk to Arthrax.
Oh, I still owe him some money.
I'm going to have to settle that up.
I'll figure it out.
Don't worry about it.
Okay.
Does he always say, like, hop, hop, hop every time he runs?
Yes, yes, yes.
It's very annoying, but I've gone through so much help.
He gets the job done now.
So what else can I do to help you, anyone?
What else do I have?
I have so much.
Would you be able...
Oh, here.
Here, does anybody want a plus five spatula?
It has a name engraved on it.
Oh, Moot, I think.
I can't read it.
It's my eyesight.
It's so small.
I can take a look at it.
Tiamat, would you be able to tell me more about this Eye of Vekna?
Oh, I thought I was handing...
I thought you were asking about the spatula.
Sorry.
No, that's all right.
That seems like...
That's quite the thing you got down here, though.
Like, the eye, I was like, yeah, but spatula?
Wow.
Out of left field.
Moot, you have the spatula.
You can see that it says Beefy Stew's OG spatula.
Okay.
I'm just gonna...
I'm gonna, like, put that in my belt.
Is it okay if I just have that?
Yes, yes.
I have no use for a plus five spatula.
About this eye, is that...
You know, it's the end of the world and stuff,
so I think I might...
You'll just go for it, but, like...
Will I just be able to see out of it again
or am I gonna, like, grow a tail?
I'm just kinda...
way in my options here.
You're not gonna tell me, Aya.
It's gonna be a...
I thought you were asking your friend Moot.
Oh, no, sorry.
I was asking you, Tiamat.
No, yeah.
No, it's all right.
There's so many scones.
I was so infatuated with parsing out this clotted cream,
so it was the right amount for every scone left,
because I was thinking how sad it would be
if I got the last scone and we had run out
of the clotted cream.
It's so good.
Well, after eating it all this time, too,
the scone would seem dry at the end, you know?
So you really do.
You want it at the end.
Yes, yes.
Sorry, you were asking about the eye.
Yeah.
Oh, a favor.
Are you asking a favor of me, Solventslap?
Oh, I was...
Beyond what I've already given you.
No, ma'am.
Everybody can not roll arcana or history.
Oh, gross, I'm already Sullivan,
and just ask the favor.
I know, but favors aren't just favors.
Oh, do you?
Uh, 23.
Shit!
10.
Well.
One.
Ah!
Christus.
I have a plus.
It's totally safe, Agatha.
Plus nine to history.
It's totally safe.
Looks great.
Glam will give you some knowledge,
and you can dispense it however you so choose.
Freely.
Probably in a wrap.
Let's just see.
Oh, yes, please.
I've learned about this.
How does it go?
That's how I drop knowledge.
Typically.
Okay, so Eye of Vecna, I definitely, like,
wrote an essay or something about this.
Pros.
There's lots of pros.
I mean, truly, you'll get true sight.
You'll learn some extra magic.
I mean, it's...
Magic?
I don't know any magic.
You'll be able to kind of see through things.
I see through people's clothes.
Hey, can I have the eye?
I'll gouge out my eye if that's just...
No?
Bad story.
Keep going.
So, I mean, yeah, I would recommend not using it
for, like, weird sexual inappropriateness.
Heard.
And Flammie Kins, you know better.
You would love consent, so I don't know...
Yeah, well, it's that whole CNC,
consensual non-consent thing.
You know, you enter in a relationship,
you can see from a distance.
Right, okay.
Yeah, so fine.
It's all about points.
Yeah, okay.
No, that makes more sense.
I'm less uncomfortable with that,
but also more uncomfortable with it.
Wow, I just, I feel like we need to assign something.
I don't know.
The writ's coming.
I don't think that's in the writ.
Historically, whoever has had the eye,
sometimes it's good,
and sometimes it's very bad.
So, it's possible you might become evil.
What?
Or, like, die.
Oh my god.
Evil's just a spectrum on a scale.
Or your soul gets torn from your body.
That sounds painful.
I mean, so, on the one hand,
extra super-functioning eye, pretty great.
And to magic.
On the other hand...
Eye bite?
Who hasn't wanted to bite someone with their eye?
I'm sorry, you said eye bite?
I'm sorry, what?
Come on, am I the only one
that's ever wanted to bite someone with their eye?
I never thought that was an option.
I never considered it, but I mean, I do.
Like, wait a scarred person for life, right?
Does it come out and then chomp,
or do you have to get your eye right up?
That would be quite the thing.
Or is it like a nipple?
Do you just nibble them like a piranha?
Are there teeth on the inside of your eyelids,
and when you give them a butterfly kiss,
instead you're tearing a hole in their flesh?
Maybe I'm just gonna hold onto this eye for a minute
and really mull it over
and take some time to think about it.
Thank you, Tiamat.
Oh, you're most welcome for this quandary.
I feel like we definitely need help,
and we definitely need to ask you for help in specific ways,
but sort of those specific ways are not coming to me.
Well, Tiamat, if your horde here
has things as powerful as the Eye of Vecna
and a plus five spatula,
your horde back on the Material Plane
must be staggering.
Well, not so.
I mean, not that I...
No, this is all of it right here.
This is it.
This is all I have right here.
Is there anything there that could aid us
in serving your justice to Orcus?
Maybe anything specifically
that will help Agath punch Orcus in the face.
She really wants to punch him.
I really need to punch him in his terrible face.
Right in the face.
It does seem like maybe you know him a little bit,
kind of made a deal or whatever,
so you might have some good inside knowledge
about, you know, like weaknesses.
Give me personal information.
We could really hit him up.
Yes.
Exactly the kind of thing I'm wondering about.
You know, take him down emotionally
before Agath punches him in the face to death.
I want Agath to punch him so hard in the face,
but also I want him to be really sad.
Let's punch him in the soul at the same time.
That's right.
Emotionally devastate him.
Yes. Yes.
Agath, I don't know what I have to give you
aside from just getting you there,
but since you have spoken so much truth
and given me all of these scones,
warm scones unlike my useless brother,
whose idea it was to meet with Orcus in the first place,
lovely man, has ideas on how to solve our problems.
Idiot.
I do have a small trinket named after me.
I believe it is a flail.
Can you use a flail, Agath?
I have been known to flail.
I think that was an innuendo.
Tiamat turns to one of the dragons and says,
go to you-know-where that shall not be spoken
and bring back the flail of Tiamat at once.
Yes, sir.
I'll go get the flail of Tiamat.
No, not you.
You're an idiot.
You.
Yes.
Go.
Of course, mass mistress.
I hail Hydra.
Just go.
Tiamat, your dragon sort of crew or council,
they're so intimidating.
They're so cool.
And look so great, but definitely, like,
it is so much better if they just don't speak, eh?
Yes, I know.
They've worked so hard.
Like, they're so intimidating.
We dress them up.
Until they open their mouths, and then it's just like,
what?
It's like we're dressing a turd.
Putting lipstick on a pig, am I right?
Yes.
Yeah.
Pigs are quite smart in comparison.
Oh, fair, yeah.
Pigs are actually quite smart.
Did you know that?
I see it's like a three-year-old?
Like a three-year-old human?
Here's the flail.
No, my dragons are.
Yes.
That was really fast.
It was just over there.
Oh.
It's up on the high shelf.
Just give it to the silent one.
Didn't he just say this is the place we should not name?
It's the only thing there.
It's okay.
Agath will take the flail.
You will notice there is five heads,
each shaped like one of mine.
Yes.
Badly.
You will need to give it a command,
a word, and each breath will breathe as I do.
Is it gonna be punch?
Wait.
What's it gonna be?
Yeah.
What's the cool thing gonna be?
It's a little less punching and a little more acid,
flame, whatever spray.
Like murder.
Tiamat's the best.
It's one word.
Just one word.
Say it really quickly without pausing.
Tiamat's the best.
I think she means the word is acid.
Or fire, or cold.
Yes?
Yes.
Whichever word you wish to give it.
Oh, any word you wish to give it.
Spiral spaghetti.
What?
Why would you say that?
It's still two words,
and I think that's rotini.
Oh, rotini.
Thank you.
I think we should let Agath choose it.
I thought we were brainstorming.
It's her weapon.
There's probably a quote.
I'll look for one.
Never mind me.
We should be brainstorming
and probably what we should be brainstorming is what we do.
Like, okay.
Oh, yes.
So we've got maybe the Sisterhood backing us up.
Rad weapon, scary eye, cool spatula.
What else do we need to save the world?
You need to do better than those idiots,
decimators of dragoons or whatever they're called.
Right?
They're so stupid.
Let me show you.
And Tiamat turns,
and one of her heads pulls from her throne
a very dainty ivory decorated mirror
with irises all over it
and drops it on the center of the table.
Well, that's pretty.
A mirror of future sight.
But annoyingly, it only shows one thing.
What does it show?
Like one thing each or just one thing on a loop?
Like you've seen the same thing every time you look into it.
Why don't you look and find out?
Well, I'm scared.
Everybody hesitantly huddles around.
You see a darkened chamber.
There's a vast pit in the middle of it
with these purple flames roiling up and out of it.
And you see the other team entering this room,
leading their way up to this large throne on the other side.
Oh, this is the one where they've pretended one of them is a captor.
Oh, this one's good.
And as they all kneel down
and Voronox is standing over them,
swinging his blade, they all jump up quickly
and battle ensues.
And after a surprisingly brief moment,
the mirror flickers and all of them lay dead on the ground.
Oh, that shitty Team A just fucked it up.
I mean, that's quite a...
This is...
But this is just like a possibility because...
Oh, yes, yes.
Watch again.
I've been watching for eons.
Watch again.
Oh, this one's good.
Oh, I think this is the one where they try to charge the doors.
The doors burst open and arrows are flying.
Spells are erupting into this illusion of Orcus on the other side who wavers.
And behind them are three liches and the towering figure of Orcus.
The mirror flickers again and all of them lay sprawled,
thrown into the fire in the middle of the room
and hanging from the rafters.
Is there any outcome where they are successful?
I have seen over a thousand and so far the answer is no.
Is that because we hadn't talked to you yet?
Oh, because now we're talking to you,
so that's going to change things because, you know,
butterfly wings and the...
Oh, let's watch the mirror.
Right.
Oh, they're dying again.
The door opens again and Varanok steps in alone
and the mirror shows an image of everyone else trying to sneak around
and a large explosion goes off from behind and flickers again
and they all lay, not all of them, some of them are in pieces.
This one's one of my favorites where they think they can scurry in like rats
while Varnax distracts Orcus.
But there's so many variations.
I love the ones where they come in tied up like they're captives.
So you've been watching a lot of game tape,
so do you have any sort of feedback?
Like, how would you do it?
I mean, you know, that we can communicate with them.
Yeah, let's play Monday morning quarterback here.
Yeah, like, what do you think?
Well, early on I was shouting, you know?
I was like, shouting, no, don't do that!
Gaze behind you!
Do you have that kind of thing?
Yeah, but after a while it just...
There is no hope.
It is endless.
We are seeing every possibility in this mirror of the future
and for a while I couldn't understand why it was playing the same thing,
but now I can for Orcus is ending everything.
So this is it.
This is all the mirror will show.
Oh, okay.
I feel like I took the mood down.
Oh, no, that's all right.
You know what?
We need some hot truths.
Reality checks are good.
Yeah, I mean, obviously these...
I feel bad because these scones were amazing.
No, no, these future versions of these people.
You know what?
We need to have a positive...
Bob, where's that ring?
I got the ring, I got the ring, I got the ring.
Okay, okay, I had to do a lot of things.
Oh, shut up, just give me the ring.
Here's the ring.
Don't worry about it.
I'll talk to the therapist later.
Do you guys have like in-office counseling?
That's really great.
That's really progressive.
I was just going to say so progressive.
That wasn't around when I was part of it.
Tiamat usually eats them after,
but that way they can't spill the secrets.
Still a free benefit.
Of course.
That's right.
You complaining?
Get out of here.
We're still working on the writ.
I'm going to go see if Martha's got it wrapped up.
I'll be right back.
And Tiamat picks up the ring in her mouth,
one of them, and drops it in front of Agatha.
It has one use, and it will transform Rex,
if they are willing to have wings like a Pegasi.
Do I wear it, or does he need to put it on a hoof?
It is a single use if you point it at Rex,
and they are willing.
What, will it keep the wings forever?
Until they're hacked off by Orcus, yes.
Well, now we are hoping that that's not going to happen.
What if...
Okay, so is...
Listen, time's really hot.
Like, it's so confusing.
Is what's happening in the mirror possibly happening right now?
Or is it showing us, because it's in the future,
could we send some of the Sisterhood?
Like, what if it wasn't just them and there was backup?
I have not seen Sisterhood in anything to date.
Oh, we have not yet.
But it is showing the future.
The writ isn't written yet,
I mean, it's not happening yet, officially.
Maybe you should take the mirror,
because I don't want to watch the Sisterhood
being murdered thousands of times.
Oh, I don't want to watch...
I don't really want to watch anyone
being murdered thousands of times.
Maybe Orcus, I mean...
I would like to see Orcus dying at least once.
Yeah.
If we manage it, we'll try and come back
with more scones and fill you in.
And maybe the skull of Orcus.
I...
do not take promises like that lightly, Agoth.
I know.
I said I'd try.
I will try.
Farewell.
If I survive punching him in the face.
You will, Goth, I believe in you.
Dashing through the middle
We're gonna have some fun
It's December now
And somebody's gonna have fun
Right, we're gonna rhyme fun in fun?
Yeah, we were doing it.
It's not a rhyme podcast,
so like, that's fine.
I wasn't gonna go for Christmas at all.
Well, it's December now.
Yeah, well, it is.
I was gonna hit up some Jimmy Eat World,
but not the song you'd think it was gonna be.
Well, because we've already done the middle several times.
So it was gonna be...
What's their other song?
My favorite Jimmy Eat World song.
Is it Sweetness?
Yeah, it is.
This Meandering Middle is brought to you by...
Game Time this month!
Oh, Game Time!
Game Time bringing all the fun this month,
and we've got a very special Game Time
in that...
It's a reduced price for the holidays!
Happy Holidays!
Also, real talk,
shit's expensive right now.
Like, literally everything
except...
Game Time.
What's the regular price?
$100.
Per person?
$60.
$320.
40% off for Game Time,
per player in the Game Time tier,
Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast,
and there's an even more special thing happening!
I'd love a good, and wait, there's more.
I'm all about the, but wait, there's more.
So not only have we reduced the price for Game Time,
but it works for your holiday budget,
because we know everything's wild and crazy,
but we're also opening extra slots!
Extra slots? How many people can play now?
A total of eight!
Damn.
Up to eight people can play in Game Time,
and then now you're saying, but Russ,
there's eight people at the table.
It's a lot to wrangle.
It's a lot of shenanigans happening.
I've been there, I've done that,
it's a lot to wrangle,
but what we're doing is a very special
game that we get to play together,
and we get to have a lot of fun together,
but then this game is going to break out into two games
happening simultaneously.
The time stream split!
You're splitting the party?
Of course the time stream split.
What else could Russ do?
The time stream split, and probably go into a maze,
you guys, let's be honest with one another.
Trace yourselves.
It's the wildest idea that everybody said yes to
before we hit record.
Now they're acting very cool,
so we're going to split.
We're going to do two separate games,
and then we're going to come back together for whatever
the grand finale of this session is.
So it might be a little bit longer,
but it's going to be a whole lot of fun,
because there's going to be so many people at the table,
and a lot of people, hopefully, will get to
come play with us, which is what we really want
this holiday season, and want to try and make it
as affordable as possible for you.
Treat yourself.
Yeah, treat yourself, please.
Because so many people say they want to come play,
it's too expensive, and like, yo, forget it.
But this is less, and you deserve it.
So come play with us.
It's going to be fun.
We can't wait.
All the details are updated on Patreon.
Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast.
The spots are open, the price has been lowered,
and we can't wait to play with you.
If you have any questions,
please feel free to message us in the Discord,
or send us a note on Patreon,
social media, we'll check it, we'll answer them,
and we hope to see you at the table.
Okay, now let's get back to Tiamat
giving out sweet prizes
in our episode.
Can I ask just
sort of an awkward question?
Did you have like a face-to-face
meeting with Orcus, and if so,
was he clothed?
Yes, we had many meetings with Orcus.
Mostly clothed.
Okay. Okay, I was just curious,
because I heard a rumor
about, it's fine, it doesn't matter.
I don't like seeing this,
because now, like, when in this one-
Your Bahamut does throw quite the party, though.
Yeah, I can see that.
I can see that.
Like keys in the bowl kind of part.
What?
I mean, I think he probably would have been down
to clown. Is that-
Yeah, it just didn't-
Son of a bitch, missed opportunity.
It's okay, we're going to save the world
to have another chance.
Help me now!
God, your optimism is awesome.
Glim, I just-
Hopefully-
So, I've given the eye
to you, Sullivan.
Thank you so much, thank you.
I have given repay to Goth.
What about you two?
Is there anything you desire,
aside from a spatula?
I mean, the spatula's pretty great.
It is a plus five.
Yeah, yeah.
Cook off.
With Orcus.
I do see that that's how this is all going to end.
So...
You know, it's happened a couple times.
Wait, have you seen a cook off version?
Like a great
British bake show kind of vibe?
I have not seen the
Decimator of Dragoon's attempt to cook off.
No. But I don't think it would go well.
Well, not with the liches.
Plus five spatula.
True.
I'm going to check to see if there's a quote for this one.
Um, we- we are down here
right now.
And then once the writ is written,
uh, we'll-
Just a few more minutes!
Yeah, no, I wasn't rushing you.
I wanted it done the right way.
Like, these jabronis, am I right?
Like, my god.
I'm sorry you're stuck here down here with them.
Thank you.
Maybe things were different.
Anyway, I digress.
Will we take- how do we get
the writ to
the sisterhood?
Because we're down here.
Oh, that's a- I'm- wow.
Sully, thank- thank Bahamut for you
because, really, um, how do we
even get out of here? I mean, that's a-
Yeah, great question. That's a great question.
I'm not itching to leave, I mean-
No! No, you wouldn't be, no.
But at the same- at the same time,
uh, the- there's- there's
a punchin' of orcuses to be done.
Am I right, Agoth?
Yeah, you just use the other
tunnel.
Oh, the one that says exit.
Yes. Oh, wow.
The one that says
to orcus, actually.
Oh, to orc- wow.
Well, hold on a second. I don't-
do we want to go to orcus right away?
Or do we want to, like, gather the troops?
I don't see another tunnel.
He had it put in so he could meet with us.
Cause, like, he might-
Self-send him much? Yeah.
And wait, did this tunnel go, like, right
to his lair, or was it, like,
a neutral ground that you guys were meeting?
Or his bedroom? He's-
He's come here.
I've never been able-
Let's back up a little. Oh, right, of course.
I cannot leave. Right, of course.
So I've been unable to traverse the tunnel,
so we have met here.
Right.
Always having to host?
Yes.
Without scones!
That's a lot- that's an imposition.
It's a burden, for sure.
Yeah. That's not cool.
And after you've given, you know,
someone five copies
of the book, it's really not a great
party gift anymore. Yeah, enough.
I bet he's not even getting
out of everything you could be,
you know? Like, really doing
some soul searching or whatever, but-
Yes. So,
what if, though, we don't want to go right
to Orcus, but we need
to gather the
tr- or is the writ going to be
distributed? Is it, like, a pamphlet
and it's going to have all the instructions?
Like, I'm not sure what they're working on right now.
Or is there, like- or they, like,
psychically tell
everyone in the cult
sisterhood
about, um, like,
you're really powerful. Can you do
that? So, what are the communication
lines? Is it the PR department?
Yeah. Or, like, do you have an official
Twitter account? Yeah, is that a- is that a
new thing? I don't remember that. Got that
blue checkmark? Now, we-
we create many copies of writs
and we send them up through
the postal service.
I like the pneumatic tubes. You got
those? Okay. No. Okay,
I got the writ everybody. Donkeys. Oh,
fair. Yeah. We need
five thousand copies distributed
everywhere. Okay, can we get the signatures
on the writs first and then I can go make
carbon copies? Yeah, you just- I'm not going to write
five thousand. Just go sign them. Yeah, no, no. Okay,
everybody just sign- sign your name
at the bottom of the- Yes. At the bottom
of the writ. Uh, uh,
Tiamat, uh- And Tiamat slams
one of their claws down
on it. Let's see, Tiamat's in on it too. Uh,
Tiamat, ruler of the-
this area right now, but
hopefully a little bit beyond
afterwards. Uh, you're going to go
shut down Orcus. Uh,
this is going to be a lot of people that come and
help. A lot of- a lot of people,
a lot of dragons, a lot of-
It's a real wordy writ, isn't it?
Well, Martha's about just getting all of the
details down and in there and I was
just kind of- I was really
just tied up with the whole Pegasus
ring thing. Anyways,
uh, but it's all in there.
Everything that you wanted was
in there. It's in there. Just sign your- sign your
name. Don't worry about that last
little part. Hold on a second. We don't-
I am no-
in no- I have no authority
to- Affiliation.
Well- By approximation.
Bob, you have
five seconds before I rip you
in from limb. We are not here
to trick them. We are here to help them
destroy Orcus. I'll remove the- I'll remove the
appendix. What was at the bottom?
I'm just curious. Yeah, what was-
Just for curiosity. I mean, we don't sign things.
There we go.
Wow, is this something that's just automatically
put to the bottom like you owe your soul to the-
Yes, I apologize. It's standard, yes.
Fair enough. Yeah, no, I do remember that.
I'll get you too. You gotta
really- you gotta read it.
You gotta read it all, cause it's on you.
It's on you if you sign it. Well, you can still back out
before you kill a friend, but yes.
Yeah. Sometimes, though,
they'll just capture the person that you love and just
hold them in a cell. It's fine.
Okay, so we got the-
we got the- we got the
things. You guys didn't say that you wanted
something. Alright, Moot.
This is for you, and Tiamat
drags a very
ancient
marred battle
worn shield and
drops it on the table and-
Moot. Ooh.
I feel like you'll relate to
this in some weird existential way.
Like he puts up lots of walls
and doesn't let many people in?
More like there's an entity stuck
in the shield. Oh yeah, I'll get along great
with it then.
Oh, that's very literal. I believe their
name is Gargoth.
Be careful when you let them out.
Noted. And what about you, Glim?
Well, I mean,
I feel like- Worshipper of my idiot
brother.
Yeah.
Learned a lot of things about
my beloved
Bahamut recently.
But
I'm gonna say still, still
a big fan.
Although I've now added
big fan of Tiamat. Which is an
unexpected turn because-
You gotta stay fLexible, right?
I mean, the five heads, the whole thing,
you're dealing with all these people.
Like, it's, it's really
it's really something. I mean,
you've got us the sisterhood.
It's a lot.
I'll give you this.
Then.
My brother is an idiot.
But
he believes
that the world can be a
better place.
Of course it can. I mean, literally
it's pretty bad right now, so
definitely. And I'll give you this
horn. You can blow
it once in a time of need.
And any dragon who hears,
if they can, will
come to you. I don't know what will happen
if they are undead, for that is an
abomination that should not exist.
But perhaps it will
work there too.
But they should come to your aid.
Thank you. That's
wow. That's pretty cool.
That's really super cool.
And what do you got for me?
Anything good? Five minutes in the
back room.
We'll wait. Alright.
Enjoy your scones,
everybody. And I will
see you in a minute.
Um, so
that just happened.
Yeah,
I don't, I'm, we should
I didn't expect it. Should we make lots of
noise or something? Like maybe
let's talk over top of one another
so nobody can hear like, let's
a cacophony of something.
I'm really not entirely
sure if I should put these eyeballs in. I really don't know.
I should definitely think we should probably.
I mean if I just dig in this gold
it'll make quite a bit of noise and I can't
quite hear. Ooh, there's bubble wrap
over here. Oh, thank goodness.
That's good. I'm gonna just clink these
plates.
So that's the place you don't tell
anybody about.
Yeah.
I feel like we all just
been through something together.
I think so too.
I don't want to be rude
but I think you all need to leave.
That seems fair. I'm gonna take a nap.
Yeah, fair enough.
Okay, we'll just
take a nap. Everybody got their
things? Collect your things. I got this book.
Do we go to the
do we go to Orcas?
Now I'm frazzled. I like I don't
want to nap. There's only one way out.
Who's got the...
Somebody grab that mirror. I think we need the mirror.
Okay, I'll put it in my back.
Thank you for not eating me.
And Sully bows again.
Like many, many, many bows.
I was never gonna eat you
Sullivan Slate. Yeah, I miss you
too a little bit and he walks away.
Learn to believe in yourself
Sullivan Slate.
Yes ma'am.
As messed up as you are.
Is that also a quote from the book?
No, but that's good.
I should write that down.
You should write your own book down here.
Alright, get out. Let's go.
Everybody turns and begins
walking towards the two Orcas tunnel.
You don't see it, but there's a bit of a
glow in the
satchel of
Sullivan Slate.
There's an image that appears on the mirror
as you round a corner and turn
and look back at Tiamat who
is smoking a large Marlboro.
Does she have a cigarette holder?
Yeah, of course.
There's one and she's moving it between
them.
That's right.
And the scene of
the other team,
the Decimators of Dragons and all
of their various assorted players
begins to play out the door
opens and they approach
Orcas on his throne
and battle begins and there's a
flicker in the mirror.
There's this bright
light
that appears.
And the picture goes dark.
Tom Laird is moot, with
Kristen Flemens as a god, Sean Howard
as Tiamat, and Russ More as your
Dungeon Master. Production and sound
design by Russ More. This episode
featured music from Epidemic Sound,
Artlist, and Kavin McLeod, and sound effects
from Epidemic Sound, Boom Library,
and Sound Ideas. A huge thank you to
our supporting producers, Jessica Babyok,
Kat Waterflame, Jacob Madden,
Christian Brown, Craig Zeiss,
Aaron Stevens, Perry Mady,
Kayla Littlejohn, L.A. Branton,
Old School Gamer Dee,
Nathaniel Teeter, Destiny Garcia,
Nicholas Cooper, and Garand Kierzen,
and Sugar Gnar.
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Thank you for listening. Have a great week.
We'll talk again soon.
Oh, the wheels are falling off of this, you guys.
I love it.
Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.